he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
