How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
