I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
