the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
