my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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