My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
