Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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