Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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