need another drink. this is the easiest way
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
