He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
