Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
