Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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