Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
