My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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