addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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