OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
