i jhust puked up my retainher.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
