Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
