I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Mom said you looked used
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
