are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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