Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
