his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
