last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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