you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
