THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
