glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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