i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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