I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
