Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you win again, gameday.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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