i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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