This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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