i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
