It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
