Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
