I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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