Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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