i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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