went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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