textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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