True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
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Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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