literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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