he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
