Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
