I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
bring money and cleavage
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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