Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
