How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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