my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
