i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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