i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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