was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Randomize
