you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
