got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
