I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
