You made me cry and you don't even care
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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