No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
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