hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize