Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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