2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
being pregnant is like rehab
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
