When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
