I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
