Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
