I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
