Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
